(Column appeared on February 4, 2016, in The Montclair Times)
Several years ago I had a patient named Sarah.
She was nine years old and having a hard time coping with her parentsí divorce.
She had had a number of problems before the divorce and was positive that she was responsible for
her parentsí breakup. Nothing anyone said could dissuade her from that conviction. At nine years of
age she was filled with guilt and pain. And whatís more, she didnít have much hope that things would
change or get better. Eventually, she pushed away everyone who tried to help her.
Then, one day, it was discovered that Sarah had a serious eye problem that might result in the loss
of her sight. The doctor and her parents were honest with Sarah about her condition. And then we all
sat back and waited for the temper tantrums, anxiety and depression she always exhibited when she had
to face a very real problem or obstacle ó and this little girl had had more than her share.
But then something strange happened. Through her medical ordeal, which included three operations,
Sarah showed a sweetness, courage and strength of will she had never evidenced before, and which
surprised everyone ó most of all herself. Though Sarah was facing possible blindness, she seemed more
at peace than she had ever been.
Despite our pride in Sarah, none of us could understand it. Where did this come from, particularly
at such a difficult and frightening time? I had no sure answer, but it made me think of the phenomenon
known as "sanctifying grace."
As I understand it, sanctifying grace is when ordinary people find themselves in extraordinary
situations, and discover courage, inventiveness and dedication they never suspected they possessed.
Some theologians talk about this kind of inner strength as emanating from God ó a kind of divine
intervention. Other people talk of a capacity that was always there but never really tested. Still
others talk of a confluence of different events, or an inspiring situation or role model that enables
people to act in ways that surpass their own highest expectations of themselves.
Three members of the Montclair clergy recently reflected on this concept.
Rabbi David Greenstein, of Congregation Shomrei Emunah
"The term Ďsanctifying graceí sounds to me like an expression of the view that great achievements
of human goodness or personal change or self-transcendence can only be explained as having come from
an intervention from God. Some people understand Ďgraceí as a gift from God that humans, in their
unworthiness, can never earn, but must hope to receive out of Godís boundless love.
"As I understand my Jewish tradition, I donít see things that way at all. Yes, as a committed and
believing Jew I affirm Godís boundless love. But I believe that God expresses that love continuously
and continually in the act of Creation.
"Specifically with regard to human beings, I hear the message of my tradition to be that Godís
infinite love is given to us by creating us in Godís Image. This means to me that, although we too
often fail to do what is right, just and holy, we are never bereft of that potential.
"When we surprise ourselves and others by becoming kind, understanding, and ethical ó even at the
risk of danger, loss or death ó we are really actualizing our own God-given potential. If we are
surprised, it is because we have forgotten what we really are capable of being.
"A religious life is meant to recall us to that consciousness and deepen our relationship with God.
But Godís sanctifying grace has been in us all the time. Godís prayer is that we bring it forth. When
we live up to our God-given potential, we gift God the gift of fulfillment of all Godís hopes for us.
We can be grateful for Godís love, and God is joyful and grateful in turn."
The Rev. Elizabeth Mora, of Unity Church
"In the Unity Church, we believe that there is always Ďsomething moreí that cannot be explained by
pure reason and logic.
"The concept of sanctifying grace or, as we call it, Divine Order, describes how God works in our
lives. God is "something more" than we can understand on a human level. God is all that is Divine,
including love, peace, wisdom, goodness, and more.
"Because God is in all things, whether we see it or not, we are always being blessed by Divine
potential. In other words, we reap more than we sow, as God always adds more goodness and love to
"Godís grace is already given, because all of creation is made from the Divine, and so we are imbued
with it. It is not added, but already present, and it is our job to live from that higher nature, instead
of simply from our human selves.
"Our work is to express the divinity of God as best we can. That is how Godís grace sanctifies us."
The Rev. Paul Leggett, of Grace Presbyterian Church
"The term "sanctifying grace" draws on two key concepts. The first is grace. Grace is Godís mercy and
favor. It cannot be earned. It is not deserved. Often it is the opposite of what is deserved.
"The prodigal son in Jesusí famous parable (Luke 15:11-32) did not deserve to be welcomed back into
his family after he had totally exploited his inheritance. By his own admission the son thinks the greatest
favor he can ask is simply to be treated like a servant. Even that he didnít deserve. Yet his father not
only welcomes him, he kills the fatted calf and prepares a banquet in the sonís honor (to which his older
judgmental brother objects strongly). This is grace.
"The second term comes from the word Ďsanctificationí which literally means to be set apart for some
special purpose. The ultimate sanctification is holiness, being totally set apart for God.
"Sanctifying grace then is the idea of being set apart to show divine favor and mercy in a special way.
This kind of grace is not humanly possible. That is why grace finally is a gift of God. The best example
of sanctifying grace is forgiveness, even when the offending party hasnít asked for it.
"In the example of Sarah you mention, it strikes me that she is given the grace to forgive herself.
She is not responsible for her parentsí divorce. Nor did she deserve her medical ordeal. We have a natural
tendency often to either blame ourselves or someone else when misfortune occurs. Sanctifying grace bypasses
that option altogether.
"It reaches out in forgiveness and acceptance wherever there is brokenness. It refuses to play the
blame game. That is sanctifying grace."
While there is a divergence of opinion regarding the origin and meaning of grace, there is virtual
agreement that it does exist, whatever its source. Following are some ways parents can increase childrenís
awareness of this concept.
- Talk with children about the concept of grace. Ask children their feelings about this. Do they believe
in the concept? If not, why not?
- Ask children how they feel about their personal failures. These days, many children believe failure
is not acceptable, or is something to be ashamed of. They judge and label themselves within this framework,
without seeing the possibilities for growth and redemption. Talk with them about how we can all learn
and grow from our failures and take pride in our accomplishments.
Note: Readers can access the unedited remarks of Rabbi Greenstein, Rev. Mora and Rev. Leggett by
going to the online edition of this weekís paper at
Janice Cohn is a psychotherapist with offices in Montclair and Manhattan.